I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
