I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
