he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
