She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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