she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
