Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Life is so much better after having sex.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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