In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
