Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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