You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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