fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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