where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize