Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
