oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
where are you?
Hypothermia
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
