A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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