dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
