I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
