"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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