I didn't shave. On purpose
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
