just come out here and I will go home with you...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
