I want to have your abortion
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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