I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
