I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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