Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
