So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
