Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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