I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
