the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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