well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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