and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize