Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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