You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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