Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
