That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
