So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
