Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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