remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
