1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
