these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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