my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
