What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
