he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
