If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
