HIV tests are more positive than that guy
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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