it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You took a bar mat shot.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
