i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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