i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i've created a new STD.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I want a musical about memes.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
