Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
