youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
