Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
