I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
