Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize