some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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