Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
