Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
