I just saw a hot homeless man
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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