Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dicks are not precious.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
