Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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