I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
