Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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