Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
