ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize