He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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