Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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