i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
