I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
