is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
