Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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