who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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