Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
