Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
