i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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