nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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