"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
