Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Boobs speak an international language.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
