do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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