Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she smelled like a LAN party
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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