I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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