Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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