Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
