You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
