I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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