I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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