how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
