she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
