Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
