I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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