i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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