I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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