Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
