so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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