Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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