this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
