alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
